A more serious note: 20 yrs
I dont really like starting off so seriously but half the reason i decided to blog was to get some of these thoughts out of my head, so here goes.
Its been 20 years exactly this christmas that my mom has been gone, nearly twice the time I had with her alive. I never knew her as adult, or even as a teen. I long for her to have been there for me, as a teen, as a young married and now most certainly as a grandma.
I have been thinking bout her a lot lately as i struggle to parent my 12 yr old. I wonder what advice she would have given, whether our current struggles are normal and par for the course. I struggle now trying to remember what i longed for in a parent when i was 12.
I miss her, well to be more accurate i miss the thought of her. I have no idea what she would have been like as a mom to me now. Would she be proud of me, would she delight in her many grandkids, would she have been that confidant I've always seeked? I dont really know the answers to those questions. In all fairness, she may have been none of that. Its easy to glamorize someone who cant prove your fantasy wrong.
Its been 20 years exactly this christmas that my mom has been gone, nearly twice the time I had with her alive. I never knew her as adult, or even as a teen. I long for her to have been there for me, as a teen, as a young married and now most certainly as a grandma.
I have been thinking bout her a lot lately as i struggle to parent my 12 yr old. I wonder what advice she would have given, whether our current struggles are normal and par for the course. I struggle now trying to remember what i longed for in a parent when i was 12.
I miss her, well to be more accurate i miss the thought of her. I have no idea what she would have been like as a mom to me now. Would she be proud of me, would she delight in her many grandkids, would she have been that confidant I've always seeked? I dont really know the answers to those questions. In all fairness, she may have been none of that. Its easy to glamorize someone who cant prove your fantasy wrong.
posted by Megamom @ 8:43 AM
2 Comments:
At 10:10 AM,
HikingStick said…
I didn't realize this was such a significant year. I love you, honey. I have a big hug waiting for you when I get home.
At 8:57 PM,
Erin said…
Good points. My mom's only been gone for 13 years so I still have awhile to go before reaching the twenty year mark. However I really understand what you mean about idealizing the situation. My mother's relatives are always saying that she would be so proud of me and how they know we would be best friends and such. But who really knows?
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