Marie's Musings

Musings from the mundane day to day life of a mom of 9 to more serious ponderings of the day.

Friday, December 30, 2005

My cousin

I traveled this past weekend to visit family for Christmas. Overall a good visit, albeit a bit exhausting hitting 4 different christmas' with 8 children and hubby in tow. One particular moment is stuck in my head and I have yet to fully understand it.

My cousin is a year older than i am, but because of being held back a year, we ended up in the same graduating class. Over the years, we celebrated birthdays(hers is 4 days before mine) together, got given matching christmas gifts from grandma and the even had to have a joint graduation party. Maybe i enjoyed the togetherness when i was young, i dont know, I dont really remember. But i most defitnely did not enjoy it when i was older especially having the graduation party together.

In a lot of ways, I always felt this competition with her for grandmas attention. Although i always considered her the favorite when it came to Grandma. She seemed to connect to grandma in a way that i never could.That didnt bug me too much cause i was the favorite on the other side.

I really never felt that close to her, although i do remember spending time together running away from siblings and other cousins at Christmas and other holidays. In fact, a lot of time i felt like i had to monitor what i said to her, so it didnt make it way (twisted usually) back to other family.

So we visit this christmas, after having not been"home" for xmas for awhile and I see her and chat a bit. As we leave though, she comes back out and pushes money into my hand, saying use this to eat out. (Tell me what the heck is open on Christmas day:) Then she bursts into tears and when i ask whats wrong. She just says "I miss you" Obviously im missing somthing here. Some connection that i seem to have lost, must still be there for her. There must have been more on her side of friendship than i felt.I still am pondering this strange exchange yet today.

I do tell her, shes welcome to come visit me up in minnesota and she responds you can come down here. Hmmm ... lets think logically here... cousin with 2 kids - age 10 and 6 and me with 8 kids from 4 months old to 12. Doesnt take a rocket scientist to know that its a heck of a lot easier to travel with less kids and older ones to boot. But thats water under the bridge ... we do hope to visit more now that we have a van we all fit in.

Somedays I really wonder what goes on in people's heads.


Post a Comment

<< Home