Somedays I really wonder ...

I wonder what exactly God was thinking when he blessed me with 8 children. Especially on mornings like this when the challenges abound: the 12 yr old full of attitude and spite, the 6 yr olds stubborn streak, the 10 yr annoying his sister, the 7 yr old dallying and the ones that have yet to hit my radar screen.

I wonder am I really equipped for this. Its new territory hitting the preteen and teen stuff. It wasnt exactly easy when I had 6 kids under age 7 but compared to the challenges of today it felt a heck of a lot easier.

My stepmom's example wasnt exactly stellar either. She sent me to the gym teacher when i got my period. I was looking for some guidance along the way, she never told me about shaving. The nickname of "jungle woman" still haunts me to this day. Maybe she just didnt know what to do with me, but I craved that intimacy, I needed someone to come alongside me and teach me .

So now i have a 12 yr old daughter whom I didnt send to the gym teacher when she got her period but I wonder am I fulfilling the needs she has? We talk some but do we talk enough? Its hard being the eldest child with 7 other siblings, I get that but what I dont know is how do I make sure she isnt lost amongst the shuffle. How do i give her the space she needs from her brothers without losing our sense of family?

I dont have any answers today other than seeking out Gods wisdom. I know he will see me through this time , I hope without too many causelties along the way.