Marie's Musings

Musings from the mundane day to day life of a mom of 9 to more serious ponderings of the day.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Part 4 - NICU

It was hard not to be intimidated by your surroundings there. There was at least 8-10 babies besides mine in the room we were in, plus they had a whole nother room. Many were hooked up to more machines and ventilators than Gideon was. And almost all the other babies were much smaller. The nurses exuded a sense of just being in charge.

I remember tenatively asking, can I hold him, which i did for a while that first night. The doc in charge that night, was really good bout explaining things and I was very grateful for that. In a lot of ways I was still in shock, i had only delivered a baby 5 hrs before and here I was dressed in normal clothes praying madly over my baby in the NICU. Eventually we made our way down to our room. They had us staying in an old unused wing of the hospital. It was sorta creepy at times, it just had the feeling of being abandoned. But im every thankful that God provided us a free place to stay. We then went up to the family lounge, andrew sent off an email or too and I pumped. We collasped into bed round midnight i think.

The next morning, we got there around 7-730. We met the next doctor whom I dont think I ever liked. She just didnt have a decent bedside manner and was less than compassionate at times. She , at one point, actually told me to" go home that there was nothing i could do for him there" yeah ... I didnt take that too well. Me, being a nonconfronter generally, didnt say much to her then. I cried but inside I strengthed my resolve to stay. My baby is less than a day old, Im going nowhere. I also vehemently disagreed with her assessment that I couldnt do anything because i feel that touch, and hearing our voices and holding him were just as important to his recovery as any medical thing. She let us know early on that day, that I wasnt going to get to nurse him that day. He had batteries of tests -- chest xrays, ultrasounds, blood draws. His poor heel was so bruised from blood pricks.

Andrew was there with me til sunday night. We attended the brief easter service in the hospital, we made phone calls, I pumped around the clock every 3 hrs(cept at night), and spent time with Gideon thruout the day. Sunday night andrew went home to be with the bigger kids and start rounding up the younger crew as well. That was hard in some ways, but not in others. He didnt have this intense desire to be with Gideon as i did. He felt that he was okay under the doc/nurses care but I just knew I had to be there. Heck i figure I had the better end of the deal, he had 8 kids to watch over, I had 1 lol.

Monday, i started developing a routine. I would pump, then hold Gideon for at least an hour, then make a few phone calls and then go eat and start the routine all over again. The cell phone couldnt be on in NICU, so i would only have it on when i went to eat meals. So id check voicemail, pick one or two calls to make and then make my way down to eat. Monday was fairly crazy for andrew, the kids were all off school still and readjusting to being back home. Add to the fact that mom isnt there nor is there brother, and it wasnt a pretty sight. So he didnt come in to visit on monday.

God allowed my recovery to be really easy. I think he knew Id need to concentrate on Gideon, so I really didnt have much pain at all and was able to just concentrate on getting my little guy out of there. I still couldnt nurse him on monday, much to my dismay. I found that is really all I wanted to do and it was incredibly frustrating to not do what all my instincts were crying out to do. I remember the doctor, who i didnt like, saying that we needed to do another chest xray. She didnt like the way his lungs were retracting. So I prayed very specifically for a clear one and God came thru with flying colors, it came back perfectly clear.

After a few interactions with the doc I didnt like, I started praying for a new doc to be there the next day.

Part 5 to come!


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