Marie's Musings

Musings from the mundane day to day life of a mom of 9 to more serious ponderings of the day.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Juggling act

I feel like Ive been juggling lots of balls lately and unfortunely not catching most of them.

Part of me wants to say, oh it will get easier when Im not working outside the home. I think though that is a bit of a misnomer and reality will probably be somewhat different from that thought. Yes I will be at home and hopefully be able to manage better but I think its not just being away from home that is causing me to drop the balls. Its more than that.
Self disclipline has never been my strong suit. I much prefer a looser more flexible schedule, yet planned in advance. I dont do so well by the seat of my pants for sure but I also dont do well with super schedules either. Generally as I know whats coming at me, I can handle most of it.

Its the stuff slipping thru the cracks that makes me wonder, what do I need to do to seal them up. Things like realizing as Im taking Zechariah to his cub scout meeting yesterday;we didnt work on anything over the week that he was supposed to. Or getting a call from Josiahs English teacher stating he didnt turn in a paper and could he please have it in on friday so she can grade. Or Katarina getting the girl scout cookies delivered.

Yes, I realize some of it is their responsiblity but ultimately its my responsiblity to guide them into the maturity that can get these things done. Not nagging, which is useless anyway. Right now it does feel a bit like spinning wheels that go nowhere. Something has to change in terms of how I structure the time, I am wasting way too much time yellling and not getting things done around here. Not sure I have any answers or solutions, just the knowing that things arent working so well this way.

Most of my ideas for solutions involve that self disclipline that I struggle with in the first place. So while I start out great, it usually gets lost in my laziness. Its too easy to get caught up in the daily battles of life and lose incentive to make whatever plan work. Its a lot harder not to let the moments dictate the mood, rather than choosing a mood to work thru the moments. I guess thats Gods department--working on what feels impossible to me, isnt for him.

God is good ... all the time.


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