Marie's Musings

Musings from the mundane day to day life of a mom of 9 to more serious ponderings of the day.

Monday, July 16, 2007


I got my test results on Friday and have been processing them ever since. I wanted to blog bout it all, but partly time constraints, partly just not quite knowing what to write.

The Doctor officially diagnosed me with Lupus. The test results came back indicating I now have anti dna antibodies, which I didnt have the last time I had blood tests done. My titer leval, which measures sediment in the blood, went from 1:80(3 yrs ago) to 1:640 now. So 8 times higher than before.

What does all this mean? Right now, nothing immediately, at least until Im done nursing. My last flare up, which mostly consisted of joint pain, has subsided And I can manage that with ibprofen as needed. Long term, is a bit different. I need to have my kidney funtion tested every 6 months. This is a disease that can attack basically any organ in the body, but tends to attack kidneys and livers most often. When it does,its painless, so you dont know that it is even happening. My kidneys are functioning fine now, praise God.

Then after I am done nursing and we are positive we are done having kids, I will go on a preventive medicine, long term, likely for the rest of my life. Or until that one no longer works to keep the flareups at bay. Its designed to reduce flareups and pain and lessen the chance of kidney involvment. It takes 4 months just to start working and its not the kind of medicine I can go on and offf again. So we have to be sure we are done with having kids.

I really had thought I had come to terms with this possiblity. But I am surprised at how different it feels with an actual diagnosis. Its no longer a likely possiblity, its real this time. It wont go away and can cause some serious health issues. I find it a heck of a lot harder to say, "I have lupus", than it was to tell people bout the possiblity and the issues I was having. I almost choke over the words. I actually burst into tears at church yesterday when I asked a friend for a hug. Why it hit me then, i dont know.

Its weird too in some ways, it doesnt feel quite real. I have very mild symptoms, which generally dont interfere much with quality of life. So i feel kinda like a fraud saying I have this really serious life altering disease and then have no active symtoms. I know it doesnt make sense either. I guess Im really just thankful that God has interevened and made it so.

Part of it all, is not having a plan in place. Andrew and I need to sit down and discuss it all. We have talked some but we havent determined a plan. When we will begin the drug, how we will be sure we are done having kids, all the nitty gritty details. So right now it feels like unfinished business to me and its all tangled up in my head. But I do know this, God isnt shaken or knocked off the throne because I have been diagnosed with a chronic disease. Whether he heals me, helps me endure the pain or keeps the flareups at bay, I will praise his name!

God is good ... all the time


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