The mere mention of the word suicide evokes a strong response in me. I try really hard not to overreact when the kids make a "suicide" at the soda fountain or when they jokingly mention killing oneself(they dont do this so much anymore, i react too strongly). Its hard for me to fathom losing anyone else to this horrible tragedy.

Its the club that no one wants to join and those of us in the club wouldnt wish the pain on anyone. When i hear though of someone losing their mother, I react and I feel their pain in a way. Losing my own mother etched that compassion response in me. When I hear of another child losing their mother to suicide as I did 23 yrs ago-- its almost too much to bear. I know that pain so intimately.

Tonite that pain resurfaced as I learned that one of my sons friends is struggling with this very thing. It makes my heart ache for the little boy, that he must struggle thru this. Im storming the gates of heaven for this kid ...

God is still good even amidst trials and tribulations
MJ

Gideon

Gideon is nearly 2 yrs old now(23 months :). Developmentally, some of the behaviors I am seeing (always wanting whatever toy his siblings have, pretending to be the baby by getting in the cradle, etc) are more around the 18 month mark. Thats okay though, so far hes staying roughly around 6 months behind in some areas, caught up in others and still way behind in speech. Thats to be expected though with sotos.

I am seeing some neat things. Its fun to watch him really play with little people or superheroes. He loves putting them into a bus or van and driving them around. One of his most favorite things to do is watch his brothers and dad play an online video game called Guild wars. He really enjoys watching them battle the monsters. His brothers showed him how to shoot bears and lions, so now he comes up to you and says boom. Its rather cute though! Another thing he enjoys is sitting and looking at books. They are a great distractor for when Im getting his braces and stocking on or diaper changes.

Gideon regularly signs please when he wants somthing. It can be a challenge to figure out exactly what he wants. He finds ways to get his point across though even without words. For example, he will bring me a cup and then sign please, meaning he wants a drink please. He also does finished with great regularity. Thats extremely helpful when hes done eating, to know that hes finished and wants to get down. He occasionally has done the signs for more, and hurt. And on the word front, he started saying the actual word,momma this week! He has said very infrequently before, but now is using it on a regular basis. Especially when he wants me to do somthing like open a box of toys or get him a drink. Gideon also will wave bye bye and usually will do that as well for goodnight.

One thing Ive noticed is that if he gets too tired, his behavior is out of whack. He really starts hitting and fighting you. If he gets overtired, we basically have to put him to bed, cause there usually is no getting him to eat or do anything cooperative.

Hes less sensitive to pain it seems. Last week, he bumped his head and didnt even cry. I didnt discover that he had a cut on his head until 20 minutes later! He does tend to hit more frequently and get frustrated easier than the other kids but we are learning to manage that behavior as well.

When he runs, he tilts his head down and leans forward and takes off. Its really cute to watch. I love watching when Josiah gets down on his leval and opens his arms, Gideon will go running right in for a hug.

Hes beginning to learn some detective skills too. He knows when Ezekiel and Zemirah are downstairs or in a room with a door shut. He searches until he finds them and bangs on the door.

All in all hes doing fabulous!

God is good ... all the time
MJ

Goals

Ive made my first goal of cleaning the kitchen every day, pretty much for 3 weeks. Missed a day or two but for the most part, Im calling it a success. I also managed to meet half of my 2nd goal. -- doing 4 or more loads of laundry a day. And on some days, maybe bout 65 percent of the time, Ive met the 2nd half -- actually folding it and getting it put away.

My 3rd goal -- now that Ive started making my 1st goal into more of a habit is to tidy up the whole upstairs(minus my room - the pit of despair -- thats another goal in itself). So now for two days ( a virtual record) Ive managed to have it picked up by lunchtime. This involves the kitchen, living room, upstairs bathroom and the two kids bedrooms. I have the little kids help me pick up and put away the toys and then vacuum the hallway/living room. Then i head to the bathroom. At this point, its only getting a quick wipedown but eventually I want to deep clean that better too.

Then the afternoons are slated for folding the laundry that Ive washed in the morning. By the time the kids get home from school, its usually sitting on the table waiting for them to put it away. Even Gideon is helping put away laundry now. He loves taking his pile of clothes to his room and I help him find the right drawers.

My next set of goals involves cleaning up the downstairs in the afternoons as well. And trying to allot a time to do paperwork/phone calls/planning and the like. Hmm always working on something.

Praising God today!
MJ

Lots of stuff

I often think of blog posts thruout the day as I go about being a wife and a mother. Most of them never seem to make it to the blogosphere -- time, brainpower, energy -- all play a factor in that.

Lately I have been really reflecting on ways to reduce the amount of mess and clutter in the house. As I have said before, cleaning is definitely not my strong suit. In fact, 9 times out of 10, left to my own devices, Ill put cleaning up off to another time. I find once i get going, a momentum propels me forward and I want to do more. Its that initial jump start that is the hardest for me and of course the interuptions that having kids brings(especially a nursing baby)

So with lots of prayer(I mean lots!), I have been embarking on trying to make some better habits that thwart my laid back, proscrastinating nature. Since this has been a lifelong struggle for me, Im starting simple. Simply committing to wiping up after breakfast, sweeping the floor and loading the dishwasher every morning. For those of you cleaners out there, I realize this sounds unbearably simple and easy. For me, though, Im forcing myself to think what would a person born with a "clean gene" do here.

Right now the season of life(having a nursing baby, special needs toddler and two preschoolers home daytime) means Im not putting time limits on my quests right now. I am trying to get the kitchen clean every morning. That gives me 4 hrs between when everyone is gone to school/work and when Andrew comes home for lunch. Im happy to report that I have been sucessful about 90 percent of the time over the last three weeks. It definitely has helped start my momentum.

The next goal that loosely have been working on is washing/sorting/putting away 4 loads of laundry a day. In the past I generally would do several loads of laundry a day but not always getting to the folding or putting away. Side note here, all the kids (even Gideon helps now) put away their own clothes. I just wash it and sort it into baskets or piles. That quite often would lead to a giant pile of clean laundry 6 , 8 or even 10 loads to fold at a time. Ive taken to folding upstairs at the kitchen table. This has done two things to help. The first being that Im on the same leval as the main bathroom, the kitchen and my bedroom -- then as Im folding -- I hang up work clothes or put away towels right away. The 2nd being is Im folding standing up which takes away the option of getting too comfortable and falling asleep. I tend to fold during quiet time/naptime, thus the tendency to be sleepy!

I plan to add in more goals and spruce up current ones(doing them better or faster) as I go along and master the current ones i have.

God is good ... all the time
MJ