Marie's Musings

Musings from the mundane day to day life of a mom of 9 to more serious ponderings of the day.

Thursday, December 27, 2007


Its amazing what a little sleep will do to perspective. I didnt go to bed early but got a decent nights sleep so Im in a much better mood than yesterday.

I think the combination of eating poorly, being exhausted and having my own adgenda for the day added up to a majorly out of sorts mom. Gidoen slept thru the night last night, so that helped as well.

Todays adgenda involves getting back into the swing of laundry, household chores etc and preparing for the weekend. We are having company on sunday afternoon and new years eve night as well. So need to get the house all fancied up lol.

Yesterday also marked the 22nd anniversary of my mothers death. I really didnt think about it yesterday but i remembered today. Funny how that works. I can usually talk bout her and her death and how it affected my life most of the time wihtout crying. But now and then a moment will hit me and I just realize how big that hole in my heart is.

Well enough sadness, hoping y'all have a happy new year!


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Post holiday crash

I realize I havent blogged for awhile-- life kinda took over with things like birthdays, holidays and worst of all, Gideons hospitalization. He was hospitlized for pneumonia(fever of 104.5) and anemia. Thankfully he seems to be doing much better now.

Holiday itself was okay, I guess. It was complete with mass chaos, hurt feelings,exhaustion and a general feeling of being underappreciated. I know though that isnt what its supposed to be about. Then again Im not sure I know what its about either. Its almost like we hype up the day, even in christian circles, to be this special unique family time that puts Jesus at the forefront. And it almost feels designed to fail. Part of me thinks, if we truly are living our lives for Christ daily(or trying too anyway) do we need a special day to remember his birth. I dont know really;guess Im speaking somewhat out of exhaustion.

The day after here has been a huge post holiday crash for me. The kids are all hyped up, fighting, bickering, running crazily thru the house and all I want to do is sleep. All i wanted was a relaxing day, to be able to read a book and nap. Should have known better on that front. I did get to finish my book though.

Even now im struggling to keep a lid on my frustrations and anger. When the little things are getting to me, I know I am really just tired.

So I guess thats all for now folks

Friday, December 14, 2007

Friday Frenzy

Feels like I have a lot to get accomplished today. Really probably isnt all that much. This morning I have a tech supposedly coming between 8 and 11. Then i need to run off to katarina's school presentation this afternoon. All this along with standard housework-- laundry, dishes, sweeping etc, there is the reading stories, pulling toddlers from the throes of danger and you know , the all important checking email.

Still have to get our tree up at some point this weekend. Andrew is bogged down with 3 papers to write at least. Just busier than I would like lately.

Thats all for now folks

Thursday, December 13, 2007

thursday thoughts

Feeling somewhat better although still have that dreaded cold. At least I dont feel so drained like i did at the beginning of this week.

December sure feels awfully busy and I dont even have family events to go to. Things like concerts, appts,conferences and groups seem to fill up the days faster. I find myself waking up to figure out what day it is and whether or not Im cheering cause i can stay home or whether Im trying to gear up for whatever event is that day.

Do you ever find yourself wishing you didnt get told something? Lately ive been pondering how to tell my sil that I really dont need to know things. Like the fact my parents called to get their address to put them in the will. They might already have ours and thats why they didnt call me. Or they might not have us in it, either way its not really something that I need to concern myself with. Im not guaranteed or owed anything really. Or the story she told me yesterday bout a graduation i attended a few years back. Apparently i missed the drama. I wasnt going to get to go to my brothers graduation, so I asked my uncle if he was going. Orginally I dont think he was planning on it. He did end up taking me and whichever baby i had at the time and I was thankful I got to go. Turns out he wasnt going, but the family made such a fuss over me not being there that my grandmother applied some pressure and convinced my uncle to take me. I really wish I didnt know that. Now I feel like i need to say something to my uncle and let him know I appreciate all that he did for me, since he really did go out of his way.

Sometimes my family just drives me nuts. I really get frustrated at how much of a one way street it is with them. It really is about me going there to visit, or to be the one to call or do the effort. It gets old really fast that way. I asked my dad to visit recently(they currently only have my 16 yr old sister at home) and he said well he does have the cattle to take care of. That is so infuriating that the cows are more important than me. I fully adknowledge that I could make more of an effort too to save money and go visit more often. I guess I get a bit of that from my father.

Enough drama for today, Im thankful that I have friends who fill in some of those gaps left by my family. I will thank God for his provisions!~


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Operation no sucky

Zemirah is the first one that has had a pacifier longer than a year. Most of the boys, if they took one got rid of it well before a year. A few were thumb suckers but none of them were really all that attached to what we affectionately call the sucky.

Zemirah on the other hand is a different story. She really loves her sucky and showed no signs of ending this relationship with it. I didnt fuss too much bout it but as she aged towards two, i started transitioning her to using it only at naps and bedtime. It made naptime fabulous-- she looked forward to her sucky so she willingly went to lay down. This was a nice bonus, that I was rather reluctant to give up.

Her 2nd birthday came and went last august. I was more diligent in making sure she only had it at the specific times. Her interest in sucky really showed no waning. In fact recently, it became clear it was getting worse. Id often find her hiding in her closet, under a blanket or anywhere she could with her sucky. And it was pretty obvious too, by her behavior that she knew she shouldnt have it.

I tried the trick of cutting a piece off and telling her it was broken. She really didnt care, was going to suck on it anyway. Which made me nervous bout her swallowing a piece of it, so i encouraged her to throw it away. She did and promptly asked for another one of a different color. That really didnt work. Andrew tried the tactic of telling her it had germs and it was yucky. She then would look at it strangly and walk away popping it into her mouth.

I sorta knew it would have to be an all or nothign prospect and maybe would involve several days of wailing -- either on her part or mine. So I thought id try a chart, not really sure though if she was old enough for that kind of long term goal. So i created a week long chart, with naptimes and bedtimes spots, that we would color in if she went to bed with no sucky. At the end I put a picture of a baby doll(one of her favorite things) that she would earn if she went all week without a sucky. The first day was a bit rough, but not as much as i expected. I just kept reminding her of the baby doll.

One side effect though is naptime is not nearly as long and it takes her much longer to settle down without her sucky. She had done fabulous! Apparently she just needed me to be consistent and take it away for good. Beyond the first day she hasnt even asked for it anymore, out of sight out of mind! So thats a huge blessing that it went as smooth as it did. The end of this week she will get her baby doll, she hasnt missed any days yet of going without it.

I guess its another one of those things that the child was more ready for than the parent!\

God is good ... all the time!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Zithromax to the rescue

Of course, Gideon didnt register a temp with the ear thermometer when we got there. But Dr. Jim took one look at the green snot coming out of his nose and pronounced him sick lol. He did listen to his chest and look in his ears. Ears, thankfully were clear, the right lung however was not. He didnt say much other that it was rumbly and with the green icky nose snot, he went ahead and wrote the prescription.

Zithromax by far is my favorite. The main reason, its once a day for 5 days, instead of the standard 3 times a day for 10. A bunch of the kids have colds and little coughs. I have a bit myself but no one else is running a fever thankfully.


Pot full of posts

I have lots of posts floating around in my head. Thats really a dangerous place to reside, so hopefully i can get them written this week. Im noting them here, so i dont forget. I dont have a great memory for things and some of the posts are important to me to note. I really want to blog bout Nathaniel and his birthday and the changes I have seen in him over the last year. Gideon turned 8 months old last week and Id like to note the changes and progress hes made. I even though bout blogging bout old testament laws that had women reside in a separate hut during aunt flo time. Im positive its probably not as peaceful and serene as I am envisioning it. Right now though that sounds heavenly to be away without responsiblities!

On another note, Gideon is running a 101 temp, so im running him into the doctor this morning. I have a cold/cough/sore glands/hoarse voice going on myself.

Ezekiel will be having his birthday party this week, so i hope we get better quick.

More intriqueing posts later gators.


Friday, December 07, 2007


Results came back just fine! Praising God!



I really want to do a post bout Nathaniel, since his 11th birthday was wednesday. But I want to do it justice and write when Im not really distracted bout other things.

I find myself a bit anxious this morning. I had my kidney function lab work done last tuesday. I know the results have been faxed to my rheumotologist but the local clinic wont give me the results since the rheumotologist is the ordering doctor. So i wait. I called and left a message and now I wait for the return call.

Why so anxious? Not exactly sure. I know Im not supposed to be, as the Bible states to be anxious for nothing. That though is much easier said than done and has proven to be a fairly elusive concept for me. Its doubly hard to abide by when fear gets ahold of my heart.

I have no new symptoms, not even a current flareup. The thing that strikes my mind is the fact that with the disease-- the attack on the kidney is painless to start. It isnt til much more damage is done, that its evident by other symptoms. Thus the reason they have you test kidney function every 6 months. It was fine in June, now is the first six month check. I have been thinking a lot bout this in the last month as it had been approaching.

I need to remember that nothing surprises God even though it surprises me.


Monday, December 03, 2007

A glimmer

I almost didnt write this post but I want to capture the glimmer of Gods goodness that penetrated thru the very stressful day today. It reminded once again that God is taking care of us even when everything else is going wrong down here.

The car's defroster hasnt worked for awhile. Andrew has managed to limp it along but cracking the windows until he gets up to speed, then the engine puts out some heat. It has become pretty obvious though with the colder weather, we need to get it in. After shelling out a pretty penny for the van last week, there really wasnt much leftover. So I took it in this afternoon, letting our mechanic know, I needed an estimate first.

I walked home and not 10 minutes after I got home, did we get a phone call from the mechanic. Its not only fixed but no charge, just a merry christmas! Turns out to only have been a wire disconected from the fan assembly. Im incredibly thankful that it was somthing so simple. On the other hand, kicking myself for not taking it in months ago lol! And God more than took care of the cost, Praising him for this blessing.

It was a nice little segment of the day, reminding me God is still up there on the throne, even when Im struggling thru my day today.

God is good . . . all the time!


2007 isnt my year

I really dont know if this is how God orchastrates things but lately, the year as been seasonal in topic. Last year really felt like the year of blessings with a new house and a relatively new van and a new baby on the way. This year is much more the year of trial or struggle. And I know that life does that, ebbs and flows, but I tell you I am looking forward for this year to be over.

Our bird, Frieda, died last night somtime. No known reason or cause, could be anything from old age(we arent sure how old she is but probably over 10 or 15 yrs)to a cat scratch to being egg bound. Likely though just old age. Nathaniel, who is the bird lover in the family, found her and was pretty upset. Not sure if we can bury her, since the ground is so hard. I know though we need to do something as closure for Nathaniel. Timing really sucks though, its 2 days before nathaniels birthday.

We have had numerous medical challenges with Gideon from having to be hospitilized at birth in the NICU to his klippel-tranaunary syndrome. Although some of those are resolving as he is developing at his own pace, there are still struggles associated with it. Being diagnosed with lupus and the surrounding issues with family size is still a prevelent struggle. We lost our dog, abbott last january and now our bird today. These events and issues arent what defines us. It is easy though to get caught up in them.

As I struggle today, with various things, I just need to remember that God is there thruout it all. He hasnt changed, or left, or been shaken up by anything going on down here. And I will rest in that comfort.

God is good ... all the time!